Discipleship in College: Finding Mentors, Building Friendships, and Growing in Christ

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What does biblical discipleship look like during the college years? In this episode of Courier Conversations for Women, Mary Margaret Flook sits down with recent Anderson University graduate Carolyn Sleppy to discuss the importance of discipleship, mentorship, friendship, hospitality, prayer, and the local church during college.

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Transcript

Welcome And Topic Setup

Mary Margaret 0:07

Welcome back to Courier Conversations for Women. My name is Mary Margaret Flook, and this is my friend Carolyn Sleppy, and she's actually our intern for the summer. So we're going to have her on the podcast today, and we're going to continue our discipleship series that we've been doing the past couple months. We've covered discipleship for singleness, um, or during your single years, discipleship as a young mom, discipleship as parents with older kids. So today we're going to talk about what discipleship looks like during your college years. So Carolyn Sleppy just graduated from Anderson University this spring, and so we thought it would be great to have her on here and get some thoughts from her about what discipleship can look like in your college years. So Carolyn, do you want to just tell us a little bit about yourself, um, where you're from, what you studied at Anderson, what brought you to the Baptist Courier? Yes.

Carolyn 1:10

Yeah, so I am originally, well, from a military family, but we are retired now in Maryland, um, Southern Maryland. And yeah, I ended up going to AU uh for my college years, um, Anderson University. And what brought me there um is I had a friend at my home church. Um, her and her brother uh went to Anderson University, and so they told me about it, and I ended up going there. Um, I was gonna go to Liberty, and the Lord just changed my heart and just made me really want to go to Anderson, and so I never regretted that decision. Um, and then I studied creative writing um as my major and then digital media as my minor. Um so Yeah, awesome.

Prayer And A Clear Definition

Mary Margaret 1:55

So I don't normally I don't normally pray on the podcast. We normally pray before, but let me pray for us before we get into this conversation. So if you're listening and you want to join us in prayer, that's great. Um and then we'll we'll get right into it. So Father, thank you for this day, thank you for this podcast, um, thank you just for conversations that we get to have, um, that we get to let other people into. I pray that everything we say and do would honor and glorify you. I pray you'd give Carolyn and I wisdom and discernment of what we say, what we don't say, um, what questions are asked and what's said, and let it all just to be to your glory and to your praise and let this be encouraging to whoever might listen to this. Um in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. So uh discipleship. We've been talking about this for a while. Um Carolyn, how would you define discipleship?

Carolyn 2:43

Um personally, I would just define discipleship simply as those in relationships that are very intimate um that we form with fellow believers. Somebody who I recently had read a discipleship book on, um his name was Greg Ogden. He wrote dis Discipleship Essentials. Um and something how he defines discipleship is an intentional relationship in which we walk alongside other disciples in order to encourage, equipped, and challenge one another in love toward growing toward maturity in Christ. So yeah, I think I really love just the idea of maturing in Christ um together.

Mary Margaret 3:22

So yeah. Yeah. I think that's a great definition. Yeah.

Starting College As A New Believer

Mary Margaret 3:25

Um what did practicing discipleship look like for you when you were when you were in college?

Carolyn 3:32

Excuse me guys. Yeah. Um, so I would say that I basically put my faith um in Christ, I would say my senior um year of high school, um, and that's when I started following Christ more closely and um just personally in my own life. Um, and so I had started seeing what discipleship looked like in my senior year of high school, um, just being um kind of one-on-one discipled with my youth leader um for that. And then going into college, I was kind of curious as to what that would look like in college because I didn't I didn't know anybody. Um I was just felt like a kind of a new Christian, even though I'd grown up knowing um of the Lord um my whole life.

Mary Margaret 4:17

But uh Did you grow up in church?

Carolyn 4:19

I did, yes, yeah. My f parents were always just faithful um and just showing us the importance of just needing Christ and having us just be faithful and in the church body. Um and so that I'm very grateful for. Um so I yeah, I had always had the presence of believers um in my life and just pouring into me. Um and then in college it was like starting um from scraps. I don't know, it was it was very uncertain of what that would look like. Um but the Lord is so faithful. Um He abundantly provided uh discipleship for me um personally in college. Uh there was um a friend of mine, like I had said, from my uh church back home, and uh her sister-in-law, um, her name is Allie, uh, she um ended up being just someone that the Lord gave me uh to disciple me um in my college years.

Mary Margaret 5:12

Is she in town or was this from a D?

Carolyn 5:14

She um is in town at Anderson uh and so she uh goes to the church that I um ended up going to, um Renewal Church of Anderson. Um but yeah, she does admin work um for there and she had just r recently graduated from Anderson University. Um and so that she her job was um kind of to disciple um college students at the time um and still is now. But um she was just an answer to prayer to me. She had just gone through um all her years at AU. Um and so I can't really quite remember how it all started, um, but I just know that she just reached out to me and we went on a walk um one day, and ever since then she's just been someone that the Lord has given me just to study God's word with, um, just to be reminded of truth and encourage. Um she's encouraged me and hopefully now it's just been sweet. We've just been able to form a friendship um through that. And so she's been one of the the really uh big people that um the Lord has used um to pour into me and just showed me also the blessing of the local church and discipleship.

Mary Margaret 6:19

But it's amazing.

Carolyn 6:20

So would you say she kind of initiated that or you kind of asked for that or she definitely initiated it, yeah, because I was still um I had just been uh beginning to learn the necessity of discipleship because I I didn't understand yet, I think that we cannot um walk uh by faith alone there. You need the Holy Spirit and but you also need fellow believers um surrounding you and encouraging you and reminding you of truth. Um and so I think that was something I had not yet realized, and so I wasn't seeking it out yet um that I needed maybe someone um to kind of disciple me, um, which yeah, the Lord has again abundantly blessed me with um her and others um in my life.

Mary Margaret 7:08

What did like hanging out with her look like?

Carolyn 7:11

Yeah. We did we've I think pretty regularly, um even like to today, we've met up all four years um throughout my college experience. It's great. Yeah, it's been wonderful. And we meet once a week. So wow. That's been wonderful. Um I would not trade that for the world. Um but yeah, different um we've done various things. We've um just studied um scripture together sometimes. Mostly we've gone through um just different books together, um, people talking about different topics like um the all different theologies or um yeah, just like we've just recently done a book on Psalm 139 that was very enjoyable, and just like studying scripture, but also just getting to share life together. Um and so that's just been the sweetest part, I think, is just doing life together. Um just walking through the specifics and um the the rawness um is what I really enjoy. So that's

Weekly Discipleship That Becomes Friendship

Carolyn 8:11

been really sweet. That's so encouraging.

Mary Margaret 8:12

Yeah. Really encouraging to hear. So how so you know, you mentioned okay, you had someone discipling you. How has that affected now the way that you want to disciple others? And uh do you feel like you were also able to kind of foreign to others during your college years, or what did that kind of look like?

Carolyn 8:36

Yeah. I think it always looks differently than you think it will, is something I've learned. I think that the Lord's been showing me that um it's it is hard to like to pursue those kind of relationships because I think they're most the most intentional ones um that you need to put um your focus on is um just like if you want to truly disciple someone that calls for just um a lot of honesty um and vulnerability. Um and if to be discipled and to disciple, umility. Yes, a lot of humility, yeah. So I think those are just those relationships that you you do have to be intentional um in seeking out. And um, yeah, and I think the Lord's definitely still growing me in that. Um but one thing he's shown me throughout college is um it's just those people that he puts in your life. Like I've just had um young girls or even girls that are older than me, but um, I don't know, we've just been in like just different areas of life, and the Lord has just opened up these doors for me um just to spend time with them. It doesn't always have to look like sitting down and like um reading a book together, like it it just can be going on a walk and just being honest uh and sharing just the hardness of life um together. And I think that's just come up in the different girls um where I work um and just my friendships, um, just us just being able to meet up in like the middle of the night, and it can be those um moments where they're just needing help where I'm needing help, and you just know that uh you can go to that person. Um and I think that's just that is like discipleship, just reminding each other of truth, um and just being able to encourage one another daily as we're called. We're called to encourage each other daily. Um and so I think that's just been a sweet reminder of what discipleship can look like. Yeah, for me at least. I love that.

Why College Makes Discipleship Easier

Mary Margaret 10:35

Yeah. Um you mentioned in the middle of the night hanging out or you know, talking. Um so kind of reminded me of like, yeah what do you think are some of the like unique advantages of discipleship in college specifically?

Carolyn 10:50

Yeah. I think it's really sweet because you can um be next door neighbors um with these people. Um and so that can just mean like truly um being open to just being willing to be interrupted. And I think that's when the most vulnerable times of life I think can come through is when I don't know, you're just willing to open up your door for someone um to come through. And I think with college, you're you're all yeah, you're all just you don't have your families, you're you're kind of an individual, but you're also like with everybody. And so you can you need that shoulder to lean on and that person, that girl across the hall you can just like go to and kind of like dump everything on in the sweetest way. I don't know, but yeah, but you you need that, you need just fellowship with people um because it can be really lonely, and so I think college is one of those unique times when you're surrounded by people that are kind of just like you, like you're all kind of going through the same thing, you're all struggling with classes or no way.

Mary Margaret 11:54

It feels like a long-term camp.

Carolyn 11:56

Yes, yes, that's that's what I said the first week of college.

Mary Margaret 12:00

I remember saying that. Especially at a Christian, yes. At a private Christian school. I feel like that's the vibe because like public school, public university, I'm not I'm not sure. I haven't been to public university, but like private Christian university, obviously it's hard, their school and assignments and stuff, but at the heart of it, it's like you know, I feel like we're all going to the calf and getting food, and it's like yeah, we're just a bunch of yes.

Carolyn 12:26

I don't know. Yes. Yeah. No, I would definitely say that's just like yeah, the sweetness of it. I had a friend, yeah, come over in the middle of the night just the other week when on the last one of the weeks of school, and uh there was just a lot of people at her house, and and she was struggling, and yeah, she just she texted me and she's like, Can I can I come over and crash in your living room for a few hours? And um she was and I was like, Yeah, come on over. And so that just opened up the door. We were um just able to talk about something she was struggling with, and just like moments like that, yeah. It's just letting your door be open, and um yeah, there's just so many situations where that's been able to happen and the Lord's just used those for just good good conversations.

Hospitality As An Open Door

Mary Margaret 13:09

So well, and something we talked about in past episodes was how hospitality is a huge uh means of discipleship. And specifically we actually were talking about with young moms because when you're a mom with lots of kids, it's like it's a lot harder to go meet someone at a coffee shop because like now you have to provide childcare. Um and it's just it's a lot harder. And so something that Hannah Miller was talking about on one of our past episodes was which um shameless plug. You want to go listen to our other episodes on discipleship as a young mom? Find us anywhere on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, etc. Um that was not an ad. Um but but no, something she was saying was just like the importance of hospitality when you're a mom because you invite people in to disciple them, and y it it just kind of works out because that way. You don't have to provide childcare or um there's a couple at my church that's really good at this, and they they'll use right after their kids go to bed to have people over to talk to mentor to disciple, and like that's great too. So I say all that to say it's great to think about like growing practicing hospitality even in college when you don't necessarily have your own place, it might just be a dorm or whatever, but like just having your door open, like you said, is hospitality, right? So yeah, that's really yeah, giving what you have. Yeah, that's really good. I also think hospitality is just like a heart posture of um like you said, it's like what you have, it's like you're also just being hospitable as a person to them of opening up, like, hey, come come fall apart my art. You know what I mean? Um I will I will give you a listening ear. Um so yeah, I think that's that's great.

Where To Start If You Feel Unready

Mary Margaret 15:14

Yeah. Um what would you say maybe to someone, maybe a college student that's listening to this, who wants to wants to maybe disciple someone or get into discipleship but doesn't know where to start or maybe doesn't feel capable what would you say to them or what encouragement would you give to them?

Carolyn 15:35

Yeah. I think this encouragement I would just say don't if you're looking for um someone to disciple you, I would say um find a local church. I think honestly that's what it worked for me and um the Lord just abundantly blessed that. I think there's there are people in the local church who want to disciple you if you're looking to be filled. I think that is um what the if you're looking to be encouraged um in truth and the Lord just can abundantly use that and people are are waiting there. They want um a young student to walk in and and want to be um encouraged and to spend time with families, um, and they're just looking to help you in any way possible. And yeah, I can promise that there are people wanting to come alongside you um and encourage you in that way. Um so I would say yeah, definitely look for a local church um and just connect with the people that you find there. Um and just yeah, wait to see what the Lord does with that. Um and then if you're wanting to disciple somebody, um, I would just say don't worry about having it all together, I think. Um I've recently heard from a friend who um is discipling uh someone and she's um kind of been struggling because she's like, oh, we're we're so different. Like, um, but she told me it's kind of sweet because in their differences um they can just kind of learn to appreciate different things about one another. Um, and then she's like, Yeah, but it's nice because I also don't have to have it all together. I can show up and we can just um talk about life and I can learn things from her and then she can learn things from me. And it can be this mutual, um, beautiful connection, friendship of intimacy. Um that you can just be real with one another, but also learn your differences with someone else too, and you don't have to um do it perfectly. There's not like a um I don't know, like a set list on how how to disciple um can do what Jesus did and and wash their feet. Whatever, whatever that looks like in that context. I don't know. That's just how can you um encourage that person and just come humbly and just be able to remind each other of truth? Um that's that's what it is.

Mary Margaret 18:05

Love how you're part of the local church.

Carolyn 18:07

Great.

Mary Margaret 18:09

Love the local church. Hold on, you sound like a pillar network for that.

Carolyn 18:13

You guys trained me through that. The most uh oh man, what's the word? Like there's certain words that it's like that we drop that word so often that it's like it's the clear word. That's hilarious. Oh my goodness. No, that's really that's really good though.

Seeking Mentors Without Making It Weird

Mary Margaret 18:36

Um have you ever like well, I guess you said someone intentionally reached out to disciple you, but something that I've I've kind of struggled with, I think, before is like I think I would sometimes I would get discouraged. Um that I usually had to be the person to ask someone to disciple me. Yeah. Um I think I always hoped and wished that someone would be like, hey, yeah, Mary Margaret, come alongside and let's do life together. Um but a lot of times I've had to be the one to seek that out, and so also just encouragement to listeners, like that that that is okay too. Yes, and also um I think too not putting so much pressure on the roles, like just be friends with the person. Um sometimes it can make it really awkward when you define this like you're the mentor and I'm the mentee, and yes, it's just it can make it kind of awkward. Yes. Um so just like being being friends with them and yeah, honestly, like you can you you disciple your friends in ways that you don't even realize. Yes. And it's like again, they don't have to be old or young, but honestly, age doesn't matter that much. Um it does, like it's good to to find people that are more experienced than you and more mature than you, but also like again, you sh you can just like you said, discipleship doesn't have to be this sit-down coffee shop meeting. Um Yeah. It can be through friendship. And um there was actually when I was in college, there was a program that North Greenville did called Big and Little. If you're listening to this from North Greenville, you'll know what I'm talking about. Um but there was this program called Big and Little, and they were trying to get like the upperclassmen to find a lowerclassman to or underclassmen, I guess, lower class underclassmen to disciple them, right? Um so they would like pair in underclassmen with an upperclassman to do that. And I signed up to be a big, that's what they call it. So someone to disciple, you know. Um and I got paired with this girl named Jordan Bezick, um, name dropping here. And or I don't remember if I got paired or if I requested her because I had met her at a freshman event or something. I don't remember. But we were gonna get paired, and I remember and Big and Little is a great program, so there's no hate on that. Um but I remember thinking like I don't know, I and again, I don't know for sure if this is from the Lord, but I was like, I I feel like I should just be this girl's friend. Yeah. I I feel like I should pull out of the official discipleship program thing and just be this girl's friend. And so I called her up and was like, hey Jordan. Um You know, this is gonna sound a little weird. But um I don't think I should I should we should do this like mentor thing relationship. I think we should just be friends and again it was an interesting conversation. Um it's like breaking up. But man, I'm so glad that I did that because Jordan is one of my best friends to this day. Yeah. And if we would have made it I'll get to why I'm sharing this in a second, but if we would have made it this like almost like hierarchy of like I'm the mentor and she's who I'm discipling underneath me, um, then I don't think we would ever become best friends and and had the have the close relationship we have nowadays. Because we're only a couple years apart, right? Um and so I I say a lot to say man, friendship is like a really powerful thing, and um like she's impacted my life in so many ways, I've impacted her life in so many ways. Again, she's one of my best friends, and I think if I would have you know done it the typical way of like let's meet like once a week and make this like kind of official and stuff, I think honestly, like I mean maybe by the Lord's will we would have become friends, but like our relationship would look a lot different, yeah, you know? Yeah, so I think there's a there's space for all those different things, yeah, you know, and with with some people like it will look like that, and that's totally okay. So I'm not I'm not putting that down again. That program's great. Um but I I say that with the heart of just saying that being someone's friend and calling even the younger girls that you're discipling friends. Yes is it's just the best way to go.

Carolyn 23:51

Yes, yeah, you know, I think adding to that, I think one of the most like sweetest things I've noticed um is like as being discipled, I personally can attest to that. Like if I don't know, you are discipling someone if you're listening. But being on the other side of that and being discipled, I can say my my favorite times are when um that person I I look up to a lot um has just been raw with me and like so honest that like they I mean Jesus was honest and raw in front of his disciples, he never hid anything. And so they've seen him cry and just um like just being so vulnerable, like and I don't know, I think that thinking of that that has just been like the thing that has encouraged me to be willing to share and to open up. So when you see someone um more mature than you do that, then in a sense, then you can also open up. And I think that has allowed me to just respect them more and just learn from them more. And so I don't know, so I'm grateful for the the girls that have done that for me um and being willing to be raw and honest because it's hard to expect that of someone um you're discipling and to help them to grow if you're also not willing to open up. So it's like I don't know, I want to take that with me and hopefully discipling others, then I don't know, just remembering, okay, I can I can be raw too and honest.

Vulnerability That Points To Christ

Mary Margaret 25:17

I think that I think there's this pressure almost of like I know I felt it, of like we're tempted to want to be the hero. Yeah. And um like there's there's girls at my church that that like look up to me and um I have one girl that's like she's like, yeah, you're like you're like a role model for me, you know, and it's like so encouraging to hear that. Like, praise the Lord. Um, but also it it's almost like, oh man, like I don't I think there's this fear of opening up and being vulnerable. Yeah. It's like you don't want to disappoint them. Yes. Of like, oh man, they think I'm great, but like as soon as I share this, that's down the drain.

Carolyn 25:58

Like, I'm not the robot anymore. Um which isn't true, right? But I I say that to you.

Mary Margaret 26:08

Um I think that the reason why a lot of people don't open up um when you're discipling someone is for the person disciple being the discipler, is like you don't want to like let them down or you don't want to you know look terrible or um whatever. But it's like I think we have to remember that it's about Christ. Right. And it's not about us being the great one, right? Like Paul says, imitate me as I imitate Christ. Yes. Um and so ultimately discipleship is pointing people to Christ, not to you. And so I think that when you're vulnerable and when you open up and when you share your struggles and your sins and your weaknesses, that's teaching them to be uh, you know, a broken vessel for Christ, to be filled with Christ, to rely on Christ, to depend on Christ, you know, to see the gospel play out in your life, and um and and it gives them actually a healthier perspective of you because they see that there aren't actually any super Christians and that everyone struggles with sin and that you're not that special and it actually I think helps them not to put you on a pedal stool, right? Um to only put Christ in that place that he deserves, right? Um and so yeah, I feel like I mean that that's a good reminder for me, like as I you know, to just to be honest, to to be yeah, to not try to keep up a certain image in front of the people you're discipling.

Carolyn 27:58

Yeah, you know, the mindset of emptying yourself beforehand. Yeah, that's really good.

Mary Margaret 28:05

That's do you have any other other thoughts um on discipleship in college or um I feel like we covered a lot. Yeah. But you had some great things to say. Do you have any scripture passages or um I don't know, any other tips, thoughts?

Praying For Each Other With Purpose

Mary Margaret 28:24

Yeah.

Carolyn 28:25

I would just encourage I think the one thing that I'm still just growing in is just um praying for those um who I'm I don't know, have just these um relationships with. Um and so I think just something I would just encourage y'all is just to be thoughtful in prayer. Um just never ceasing um in prayer for even just those you're um in these relationships with because I think it's it's sweet to sit down with someone and talk about it um and ha like speak truth to them. Um but then also um the Lord is the one who's going to um grow their heart and the we can just ask for that in prayer, and I think and it's so much how sweet is it to think of like I don't know, like you leave that conversation, but then to know that person's also praying um for you. And so I think that is just something I also want to grow in, um, and just been convicting to me. And so I just encourage you to to pray for them.

Mary Margaret 29:31

So yeah, that's really good, and even have them pray for you. Yeah. Like again, going back to the honesty thing, like um, yeah, it's been really sweet to let in, let in there again, there's a a girl at church um that I've been honest with about um something I've been walking through, and yeah, you know, she sent me the sweetest email, so she doesn't have a phone.

Carolyn 29:59

Um all these homeschool kids without phones, I love it, it's great.

Mary Margaret 30:03

Um, she sent me an email with like the most encouraging email, like I'm praying for you, and sent me like an encouraging song.

Carolyn 30:15

Like, oh, man, like oh my soul, my baby are so warmed.

Mary Margaret 30:25

Um but yeah, it's just like man, praying for each other and and letting them minister to you. I mean, it it humbled me because it's like, man, I'm I'm supposed to like be this girl's role model, but like she is being so encouraging to me right now, yeah, and giving me advice and reminding me of scripture. And she's in high school, right? Yeah and I'm post-college, like um, but it's it's humbling, it's encouraging. So praying for each other, letting them pray for you. But I think what's cool too is that and we'll kind of wrap this up, but like I think when you practice discipleship, you both get to really learn what it is to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. And so it's like when you're praying for each other now, instead of you just getting to celebrate what you've been praying for, yeah, that girl has also been praying for you, and now she's rejoicing. Yeah. And it's like double praise to the Lord. You know? Yes. Um, you're not just praising the Lord, now she's praising the Lord and whoever else you let in on that prayer request. And so it's just like Yeah, it's just amazing. Yeah, yeah.

Carolyn 31:42

That's what carrying each other's ver burdens looks like, I guess.

Mary Margaret 31:45

And there's a scripture, I cannot think of it right now. Um, there's a scripture in the New Testament that literally talks about how basically he's asking for I think it's Paul, maybe, asking for prayer so that they would abound in praise or Thanksgiving to God or something. I don't remember. Ooh. We might have to Okay, wait, let's use Google for a second. Say a joke, Carolyn. Um I'll have to find it and share that with you guys next podcast episode. Yeah. Um But but the gist of it is invite others into prayer because then that increases more glory and praise to God because you're inviting more people into that. So yeah. Any closing thoughts, remarks, jokes, questions, concerns? Caroline.

Carolyn 32:42

Um I love James um 5, 16. I just wanted to read if it all says therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. Um yeah. And then it says the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Um just the sweetness of yeah, prayer once again. Just praying for one another and together. Um

Closing And How To Connect

Carolyn 33:18

righty.

Mary Margaret 33:18

Well, thank you guys for listening. And or I should say thank you, gals, girls, um, dudettes.

Carolyn 33:27

Dudettes is that the feminine love dudes? Dudett. That suffices. Um, yes, this was fun. Thank you, Carolyn, for being around.

Mary Margaret 33:39

Oh, yeah. And we will talk to you guys next time. Aye.

Jeff 33:52

Thank you for listening to this podcast of The Baptist Courier and Courier Publishing. Be sure to follow us on all social media platforms, give us a five-star review, and send any question you want us to consider to Courier Conversations at gmail.com. If you prefer to watch our conversations, check us out on YouTube or click the link in the description.